Facing Fears

This past week, I had the opportunity to travel to the Skagit Valley to meet Erin Benzakein and the team at Floret Flower Farm.  If you aren’t familiar with her, Google Floret Flowers and you will see what I am talking about.  Erin is a leader in the flower farming industry and at the front line of education and inspiration to so many flower growers.  Truthfully, Eleven Mile Farm would not be what it is without her as taking her online workshop back in 2018 was the foundation from which my dream grew. 

What I want to write about today is how I almost missed out on this opportunity because of fear.

This all started when Floret sent an extensive survey to workshop alumni asking about everything flowers from growing to selling to business and social media.  At the end of the survey, we were asked if given the opportunity to continue the discussion in person, would we be interested?  Of course, I said YES!

A few weeks later, an email arrived inviting a limited number of people to attend a daylong event at a nursery in the Skagit Valley.  It would be free, and we would continue the dialogue in person.  We just had to get there.

Oh, and it would be filmed.  I froze.

I have battled public speaking all of my life, and the thought of talking to someone I have admired so greatly let alone be filmed doing so- my heart started pounding immediately.  I spent an hour going back and forth about whether I could do this, should do this, etc.  Finally, I said, Screw it, Becca- Go for it- and hit the YES button. 

Guess what- I waited too long.  It was filled, and there was a waitlist.  I felt a crushing disappointment- mostly in myself for still having these doubts and missing out on a once in a lifetime opportunity.  I’ve worked on this fear for years yet I froze up just thinking about having to be in front of a group of people and filmed while doing so.

I moved on.  It wasn’t meant to be.  I told myself, next time don’t wait.  Trust your instinct and go for it.

Then something special happened.  About a week later, I received another email from Floret asking me to join them.  I immediately responded Absolutely!  I didn’t let myself start the doubting self-talk or worry about this or that. 

I went for it.

The event was more than I could have hoped for.  We actually spent the day at THE Floret Farm, and all of the fields and spaces that I have studied and seen through a lens for almost a decade of my life I could actually see in person.  It was incredible. 

Erin and her team were everything.  Supportive, informative, kind, encouraging, excited- I feel like I have a team of personal coaches to call on when needed.  Added to that- meeting all of the other alumni in attendance was such an added bonus.  I think we felt the power of the shared experience and will continue to stay connected in this flower farming journey.

Embarking on my entire Flower Farming experience has been an exercise in facing fears, and really- that’s how we move past them.  By standing at the edge of the fear and plunging head first into it.  My heart was pounding at various times throughout the day (and days leading up to it!), but everything was just fine.  I came out the other side.  Flower farming and sharing it publicly is a daily exercise of facing fears of all sorts- mainly failure for me- and it’s not for the weary.  But it is where growth happens.

So find your fear pool and jump into it!